Some warranted and some controversial, BMW receives its fair share of public criticism for its beaver-tooth grills in the M3, the obnoxious stance and awkward looks of the XM, and the over-bloated 2 Series coupes. But what has stayed tried and true over the blue roundel’s legacy is the performance of its SUVs. The X5 M and the X6 M have always been the best-driving utility vehicles that strike a fine balance between track prowess and people-hauling duties. They handle like their sedan counterparts and embarrass dedicated sports cars that weigh half as much. We believe the newly revised 2024 versions handle even better than the competing Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT and Audi RS Q8.

The big news for 2024 is the addition of a 48-volt mild hybrid system, housed within the 8-speed automatic transmission, which supplements the powertrain with 12 hp and 147 lb-ft of torque, resulting in quicker power delivery. While it doesn’t augment the total power output, the small motor does act as a starter-generator, powering the auxiliaries and making start-stop transitions buttery smooth and almost undetectable. Not that it needs the extra power. The 4.4-litre twin-turbocharged V8 continues to produce 617 hp and 553 lb-ft of torque, and a laundry list of performance enhancements follows, including four-wheel steering, an adaptive suspension, and electronic anti-roll bar stabilization.

The look of the X5 M has been refined, with the nose grill sunken in and the rear lights a bit sleeker. Why mess with progress when success looks and feels so good? The new headlights now resemble arrow signs on guardrails and the quad exhaust pipes are still standard fare. New wheel designs and bold colours like this Isle of Man Green complete the palette. We refer to this as the Ninja Turtle spec.

The interior is carried over save for the new Curved Display, whereby a single glass surface encompasses both the driver gauges and center infotainment system. It’s slim and surrounded by leather, and we didn’t notice any glare or heavy sun reflections impacting its viewing angles. Still, we find it more cumbersome to use without the previous model’s dedicated hard buttons and dials for the heating controls. The latter made inputs much quicker and more convenient, especially when you just want to quickly adjust the temperature or heated seats. We prefer ergonomics over avant-garde and minimalistic designs, but the cabin admittedly looks cleaner and more streamlined without them. We similarly grieve the loss of the stack of programmable shortcut buttons, but on the bright side, they live on in Rolls-Royces.

The driving position in the X5 M is spot on – a high-up yet hunkered-down seat that makes you feel like you’re sitting above other drivers. We appreciate the thick leather wrapped around the steering wheel, and even the airbag cover is made of stitched leather, not the plastic nonsense that Mercedes still offers at this price point. It’s odd that BMW also removed the heated steering wheel button, which was previously located on the lower spoke. It was convenient, but it actually looked out of place. Elsewhere, the interior is swimming with top-shelf materials. Carbon fibre and Alcantara meet quilted leather, sewn together to produce a sturdy and robust cabin design.

On a side note, we’ve just noticed the numerous gear shifter designs BMW employs in their current lineup. The 8 Series features a diamond-cut knob, while the Z4 utilizes a similar version, albeit without the fancy material. The standard X5 employs a small lever, and the X5 M utilizes its own curved shifter with a different gated map. Not to mention, a manual gear shifter in the M2. Alas, this one works the best and though it’s not very intuitive at first having to press P to park, and slot it left and up to go into reverse, it only takes a few tries to get used to its movement.

With all the toys and gadgets stuffed into this green rottweiler, it’s unsurprising that it drives well. Think of an M5 but with a higher center of gravity. It’s an inherent penalty that doesn’t irk us all that much once you find the right rhythm on the right kind of road. Forget race tracks, the X5 M comes alive on back roads and long sweeping right-handers. Oh, and highway on-ramps when you can finally light up the V8 afterburner and stick up the proverbial middle finger to orange-clad oil protestors.

The X5 M Competition is fiendishly fast, rocketing from 0-100 km/h in 3.9 seconds, yet it sheds speed as quickly as it adds it thanks to strong brakes, which don’t feel particularly linear due to their brake-by-wire nature. Worse yet, the X5 M abhors being driven slowly, behaving with jerky and hesitant motions like a hungry dog on a leash that just spotted some BBQ. But the kinks are ironed out and it gets smoother the faster you go. TL;DR? Drive fast.

It’s a strong performer for such a heavy blunderbuss and while the X5 M weighs as much as Pluto, it can whip out of its orbit at any moment’s notice and knock on Saturn’s door in seconds. Body roll is adeptly kept in check and the rear-wheel steering system positively adds a heightened sense of agility. Linear and organic in rotation, it reduces what used to be a three-point turn into a one-turn move, aiding in its maneuverability in small parking garages. BMW has made it progressive enough that it doesn’t feel artificial or fake, but rather just a natural extension of steering effort.

Speaking of which, the inert steering still remains a weak point. You need to be measured with your initial inputs but there isn’t much feedback flowing through your fingertips, making it tricky to predict and ultimately gel with the vehicle. It’s easy to place the front wheels where you want but it doesn’t channel any road texture through. You feel more from the way the suspension oscillates, the minimal amount of body roll seeping through, and the careful ear for tire squeal as the Michelins relinquish their grip. But admittedly, your eardrums will be distracted by that sublime exhaust, which barks on ignition and idles with a satisfying and unmistakable V8 gurgle.

Much of our praise for the X5 M Competition mirrors that of its cheaper sibling down the family tree, the X5 M50i, the latter of which is slightly less performance-focused with fewer of those go-fast bits and bobs, but it’s equally capable and sublime on city streets. Better yet, the exhaust and the interior aren’t too far off either, which makes it tricky to fully recommend this significantly more expensive Green Goblin.

Be that as it may, the beauty of the X5 M Competition comes down to how easy it is to access all 617 horsepower and utilize them without worrying about grip or traction limitations. This kind of engineering feat to make a land yacht out-accelerate a Porsche 911 Carrera 4S cannot be understated, as the X5 M holds your hand while you embarrass sports cars with ritzier price tags. Forget that it’s an SUV. This is an exceptional sports car.

Specifications:

Model: 2024 BMW X5 M Competition
Paint Type: Isle of Man Green
Base Price: $142,000
Price as Tested: $158,150
Wheelbase(mm): 2,972
Length/Width/Height (mm):  4,953 / 2,015 / 1,749
Curb weight (kg): 2,494
Engine: 4.4-litre twin-turbocharged V8 (S68 engine), 48-volt mild hybrid system
Horsepower: 617 hp @ 6,000 rpm
Torque: 553 lb-ft @ 1,800 – 5,500 rpm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Engine & Drive Configuration: Front engine, AWD
Observed Fuel Consumption (L/100km): 16.9